In this monologue from the play, “Beneath the Cloud”, Lindsay shares with her therapist what she’s been feeling lately.
LINDSAY: You ask me how I am, and I always lie. ‘I’m fine.’ But I’m not. I’m f’cked up. You don’t even know. I know it’s like your job to know, or whatever. But I’m like one of those cartoons where the cloud always follows them around. Just to get here, to sit in this chair, it’s so much effort. Just to get out of bed. I don’t see the point. Alan didn’t either. I know we’re supposed to feel sorry when someone… does that to themself. But sometimes I… admire what he did. I think he’s happier now. And yeah, I’ve thought about it, you don’t need to ask. Even now, I can feel it. That tiny voice, the whisper in my mind, telling me I can’t breathe, I can’t escape. I can’t… I can’t catch my breath. I know, I know. Find something real, something solid. My feet on the floor. My ass in the chair. The color of the walls. I’m just so tired. Tired of fighting this invisible war I never started. But I’m still here aren’t, I? Doesn’t that count for something?
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