Fran confesses to her best friend, Cheryl what’s on her mind while trying out wedding dresses.
FRAN: It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The lace detail here… Mom would have loved this. She always had a thing for lace. Said it was timeless. I can almost hear her, you know. “Sweetheart, it’s all about the details.” She had this dream, ever since I was little, of us going dress shopping together. Tea at that cute little café downtown, making a day of it.
And now, here I am. In the dress of my dreams, but it feels like… like there’s this hole. She should be here, fussing over the train, telling the seamstress about a million adjustments. She had this vision, a perfect dress for her ‘perfect girl.’ She used to joke that she’d be the one to catch the bouquet at my wedding.
You know, she started a scrapbook when I was sixteen? Clippings of dresses, venues… even cake designs. After she got sick, she… she gave it to me. Said it was my turn to fill in the pages. But every page I turn, it’s her handwriting, her dreams, her… love.
She won’t see me walk down the aisle, she won’t fuss over my veil, she won’t cry during my first dance. I keep thinking, who’s going to tell me I look beautiful? Who’s going to hold my hand and give me that… that look of reassurance when I start to panic?
Why did she have to go? Why now? We had so much left to do. I’d give anything… anything to have her back, even just for today. To hear her say one more time that everything’s going to be okay, that I’m making the right choice. But that’s not going to happen, is it? She’s gone.
And you know what? I’m angry at her. Angry that she left me, angry that she’s missing all of this. How could she just leave me like this? On my wedding day? She was supposed to be here, helping me into my dress, crying tears of joy, not… not leaving me alone with a heart full of questions and this… this gaping hole where she should be.
She said she’d fight, said she’d be here for the big moments. But she’s not, and I’m here, in this beautiful dress, feeling nothing but this… this rage. Because she should be here! She should be part of this!
How am I supposed to do this without her? How am I supposed to be happy when all I feel is this… this burning anger?
Leave a Reply