Manhattan Trap

In this monologue for young men from the play, “Manhattan Trap”, Roy confesses his urge to do the wrong things in life.

ROY: It’s like I’ve got this, compulsion, or whatever, to do the wrong thing. Ever since I was a kid. Even when I knew what was right—hell, even when I wanted to do what was right—something inside me would twist, like a gear grinding the wrong way, and I’d end up screwing it all up. I remember this one time, I stole this toy train from the store. Not because I wanted it, not really, but because I couldn’t stop myself. Like my hands acted on their own, just to see what would happen.

And then… God, the look on my mom’s face when she found out. She didn’t yell. She just looked at me, like she didn’t even know who I was. Like I was this little stranger in her house who kept doing these bad things.

Now, I’m not a kid anymore, but it’s still there, y’know? That itch. That… compulsion. It’s not toys now. It’s people. Choices. Every time I’ve got a chance to set things straight, to take the clean road, I end up turning down the muddy one instead. Like I’m chasing some kind of thrill or maybe trying to punish myself for being… whatever I am.

But I don’t even know who I’d be without it. Like, if I stopped messing things up, if I just… started doing everything the way I’m supposed to, who the hell would I even be? Would I still be me? Or just some hollow version of myself, following the rules, but empty inside?

It’s messed up, right? Real messed up.

Photo by Elijah Hiett on Unsplash