Mismatched

In this monologue for older women from the comedic play “Mismatched”, Peggy, a spirited and adventurous older woman dives into the world of online dating, encountering a series of humorous and unexpected situations as she navigates the quirks and complexities of finding love later in life.

PEGGY: You will not believe the date I had last night. So, I meet Mr. “I’m-So-Charming” from that dating site. Picture this: he walks in, suit from the disco era and enough cologne to knock out a horse. I’m serious!

We sit down, right? And he starts bragging about his ‘big business.’ Guess what? He sells those funny socks online – you know, the ones with tacos and flamingos on them. A real tycoon, huh?

Wait, it gets better. He orders the fanciest thing on the menu. When it arrives, he sends it back. Not once, not twice – three times! The poor chef looked like he was about to lose it. I was half expecting him to come at us with a spatula!

And the talking, oh my goodness. It was like a marathon. He went from his ex-wife’s cooking to his bad back, all the way to Russian novels. Who does that on a first date?

I was this close to making a run for it from the bathroom window. But, you know, my sprinting days are a bit behind me. So, I stick it out, dessert and all. But when he mentioned a second date, I was out of there faster than you can say ‘check, please!’

So much for my hot date, huh? But hey, at least I got a good laugh and a free tiramisu out of it. Next time, I might just stay home and order socks online – at least they won’t talk my ear off!