Overshare

In this monologue from the play, “Overshare”, Ms. Kelly stands at the front of the classroom, chalk in hand, trying to keep the lesson on track, but her mind keeps wandering.

MS. KELLY:
Okay, class, today we’re going to learn about… oh, um, sorry, I just got a text from someone… Anyway, today we’re going to learn about fractions! Does anyone know what a fraction is? (pauses) Anyone?

Right, so imagine… oh! A fraction is like when you only get half of something you really want, like, say, half a cupcake. Or… half a date. You know, when someone says, “Let’s meet for dinner,” but they only order appetizers and say they’re “saving room for dessert at home.” Yeah, that’s a fraction… of a date. And dessert? That’s that thing you’re really looking forward to at the end of the meal. Like when you’re expecting a sweet gesture, like flowers, or a call back… but instead, they tell you they “aren’t looking for anything serious” and disappear. That’s when you realize you’re not getting dessert. Or even the check, for that matter.

Right! So… back to fractions! Let’s pretend you have one whole pizza. If someone takes half of it away, how much is left?

The class stays silent.

Exactly! Not enough. Just like my last relationship. He took half of everything—including the dog! I mean, who just takes the dog without even discussing it? Ugh, sorry, where was I? Pizza. Fractions. Yes, so, one half plus one half makes… one whole! Unlike certain men who say they’re “emotionally unavailable” but then post photos with someone else a week later…

Okay, let’s just… let’s get out our fraction worksheets. I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re all fine! Let’s just focus on math, shall we?

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