In this monologue from the play, “Backtrack”, Jerry, a scientist, inadvertently creates a time machine that catapults him into the most awkward moments of his past, leading to a series of eye-opening misadventures through time. He records with a voice recorder.
JERRY: Captains Log, [Today’s date and time]. Failure. Utter failure. When I built my time machine, I thought I’d be on heroic quests, witnessing great historical events, maybe even grabbing a lottery number or two. But no, the universe has a different plan for ol’ Jerry. A plan that involves reliving every single g’ddamn awkward moment of my life. I couldn’t control it after I got in and started the engine. First stop? My high school prom. There I am, in my oversized suit, about to ask Kara Thompson to dance. And just as I muster up the courage, future me pops in, trips over a chair, and crashes into the punch bowl. Yeah, that’s not a memory I needed refreshing or, now, updating. And it gets better! Next, I land smack in the middle of my first job interview. I’m already sweating bullets, and then there’s me again, appearing out of thin air, only to knock over a plant and scare the living daylights out of both me and the interviewer. Oh, but the pièce de résistance? My time machine decides the perfect moment to visit is my disastrous first date with Emily. Just as I’m leaning in for a goodnight kiss – boom! – future me shows up, sneezes loudly and… well, let’s just say there was no second date. That’s right, my wife. Er… she was my wife before my little adventure. Now I’m single! Ya know, Einstein, Neil Degrasse Tyson and Bill Nye never warned about these consequences for meddling with the space time continuum! I should just give up. If anyone finds out about this I’ll be the laughingstock of scientists. (Looks up, sees a woman in the room) Oh, sh’t. You didn’t just hear all that, did you?
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