In this monologue from the play, “The Waiting Room”, Alex is seated in a sterile doctor’s office, tapping their foot nervously, glancing at the clock, and talking to themselves in a low voice.
ALEX: Okay, it’s fine. It’s totally fine. People go to the doctor all the time. No one’s ever died in a waiting room… right? No, no—definitely not. I’m just here for some test results. Easy-peasy. They’ll walk in and say, “You’re fine! Go live your best life!” Or… they’ll say, “You have six months to live.” No, no. Not six months. I’m more of a three weeks, tops kind of person. I just have that vibe—like the protagonist in a limited series. Season One: Me, thriving. Season Two: Tragic decline. Critics will say, “Beautifully acted but hard to watch.” That’s… that’s what they’ll say at my funeral, too.
God, what if it’s something super rare? Like… spontaneous organ combustion or exotic parasite? They’ll name the disease after me. Alex Syndrome. Symptoms: chronic overthinking, mild-to-severe doom spirals, and a sudden urge to Google “symptoms of brain-eating amoebas.”
But seriously, what if something is wrong? Like, really wrong? I mean, life’s basically a giant prank, right? You work hard, eat kale, try meditation apps—and BAM! Sudden Death Syndrome. “Oops, you rolled the wrong dice! Thanks for playing!”
Okay… calm down. You’re just spiraling. Spirals are… fun. Spirals are curly fries. You love curly fries. Just breathe. Worst-case scenario… you die. And if that happens, you won’t even have to pay off your student loans. So… silver lining?
But seriously… if the doctor walks in with that face—the serious, “we need to talk” face—I am bolting. I will Olympic-sprint straight out of here, past the reception desk, and fake my own death in Canada. I’ll live under a new name. Maybe… Jordan. JOrdan feels calm. Jordan doesn’t panic in waiting rooms.
Or… maybe I’ll just wait. Like a normal person. Yeah. Waiting is good. Very zen. Calm, collected, ready to face whatever— (door opens) OH MY GOD, I’M GONNA DIE.
How to Support Our Work
Purchase the full ePlay below:
IMPORTANT NOTE: This is NOT an immediate digital download. This is a ~10 minute play that will be available in approx. 1-3 business days after purchase, and sent to you via email. Thank you for your patience and your support of our work.
Leave a Reply